Driven to Distraction available…Finally!

Once upon a time, I was driving in my ‘68 Mustang fastback…just out for a fun drive (gas was still waaaaay cheap back then!). I had a route I used to take which reminded me of a few stretches of road where I grew up and discovered the pleasure of taking the long way home. As I turned the corner, there was a sweet ‘69 Firebird, hood up, with a hot guy standing there.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. It actually took me two blocks of deliberating before I finally said, “Fuck it! I’m going back.” I whipped a U-turn at the next opportunity and then whipped another one to pull up behind him.

He was closing up a cell phone as I came to a stop, but he walked toward me, a smile slowly growing across his lips. It seemed like he was trying to figure out whether he knew me.

Nope. We were complete strangers to each other.

I asked, “Do you need help? I’ve got tools in my trunk.”

He replied, “No, it’s okay. The car just overheated. I’ll be back on the road in a few minutes. No worries. Thanks for stopping, though.”

I hid the fact that my world was crushed and continued on my way to nowhere. *sigh*

Fast forward several years and this was the incident that spawned the opening to a novel…which is now finally available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Borders.

My best friend and I write as Ashleigh Raine and when she decided we should write a novel that takes place in the entertainment industry–but how do we start it?–I knew my little experience was perfect.

Except I get the guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We used a bunch of my on-set experiences, including the time I tripped while working on Threat Matrix which spawned a chapter or so. I recall using the base camp and set from one of the times I was on Anchorman. The area for the helicopter stunt was inspired by my night on a music video for 4Mula1 plus a building that served as holding on American Dreams. There were two guys on Ripley’s who inspired both Jay and Levi…and the snake incident. One of the precision drivers on Starsky & Hutch also served as inspiration for both Smitty and Cash. The cars in Jay’s garage include a few similar to ones I own (Viper and Corvette). And then there were the times I went to stunt driving school…failed the first time, passed the second and got to ride along during an afternoon of drifting which served as further research and inspiration just talking to all those stunt drivers. Oh yeah, and the week I spent being paid to drive four exotic cars which inspired the Ferrari F430 being used as a hero car.

As you can imagine, it was up to me for all the car references as well as the on-set stuff, but Jen played a critical role in it. She was my barometer. Whenever I got too technical, she could chime in with such phrases as “I have no idea what you’re talking about here.” and I could tone it down for people who don’t work on their cars and would likely get lost among the trailers on a typical base camp.

Driven to Distraction has a lot of other stuff inspired by my experiences, but if I were to list them all here, this post would go on forever. And since the book is classified as erotic romance, it’s probably better you just go read it. Or at least read some excerpts…

Part of the infamous opening scene inspired by Mr. Hot Firebird: Roadside Attraction
Part of the sex scene inspired by my cars: Garage Rendezvous
Part of a scene inspired by many little friendly races I’ve had: After Race Romp
Part of the scene using a few locations I’ve been on: Helicopter Stunt

 

Engine Swap

So this weekend was rather surprising. I’m writing this while experiencing an overwhelming feeling of accomplishment…

My husband and I successfully unhooked the old engine in my ‘68 Convertible Mustang yesterday. Today, we pulled that engine out and put in a different one.

I am utterly amazed that we did it. Every other time I’ve tried to do this much work in a weekend, something inevitably either breaks or turns up missing and I have to stop everything and abandon the project for another day or week…or month.

But not this weekend. All went well. Very, very well.

‘Course we didn’t try to get it ready to start… Perhaps that’s when the real shenanigans will take over.

Back in Action

Well, I at least hope to be now that the hubbub of the holidays is over. I’ve got a stack of Tales to add as well as some odd things–such as the cause of the funky scent in my Prowler during one of my Tales…

First up, as half of the Ashleigh Raine writing team, I’m happy to announce that Lover’s Talisman has released from Samhain Publishing as of today. Check it out! Spiffed up and waaaaaaaay sexier, too!

Also, now that I did actually get a miraculous call-back on The Changeling, I’ve posted the Tale. This is a very large budget movie starring Angelina Jolie and directed by Clint Eastwood. It was hard not to be fangirl and even harder to believe that yes, I was on a movie set with Angelina Jolie and Clint Eastwood. OMG! I still get all giddy when I think about it!

2007 was a year for that. I mean, I got paid to drive and evaluate Ferraris, Maseratis and OMG, I just realised I didn’t actually post that entry! Doing it now! Click here!

Yes, I really did get paid to drive these!

Seriously, I accepted money for test driving these cars!!! It was a tough job, but somebody had to do it.

Ferrari F430 Coupe, Porsche 911 Turbo, Lamborghini Gallardo and a Ferrari F430 Spider. And yes, Spider is spelled with an ‘i’ for this car. We looked it up on the Owner’s Manual because we were curious.

This gig happened for a little over a week in July 2007 and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I got up at 1:45AM every day, got to work by 3:50 (I live about an hour from the shop) and was driving out the door at 4:00AM. On the mornings when I had trouble dragging myself out the door, I’d wonder why I tortured myself getting up so early and driving so far. Then, the door would roll up and the cars were sitting there and we’d all give each other that ‘pinch me, ’cause I MUST be dreaming’ look.

I’ll admit, though, that driving for 8 hours in any car isn’t fun for some people, but I love it. I also love that it was my job to press every button, turn every knob and then write out my findings, my preferences, my suggestions for improvement.

Told ya it was a tough job, but someone had to do it!

They’re all so freakin’ sexy–except the 911. Sorry Porsche people, but I’m just not a 911 girl. I wanted to like the car, but I just couldn’t find anything about it that turned me on. Nothing. Well, the cup-holders were pretty bitchin’. They fold up and stow away when not in use. That’s all I liked about the car.

I liked the Gallardo. It had some eccentricities, but I liked it.

I loved the Ferraris. OMG did I love them. Everything about them. They could’ve had more torque, but I’m used to driving my Viper, so I expected the Ferrari to be lacking in that regard. The sound, the paddle shifting, the steering, ohhhh… I’m getting all orgasmic just thinking about those cars!

It’s been months and I still only barely believe I got to drive those cars. If it weren’t for the pictures and all the notes I’d scribbled for the job, I don’t think I’d really believe I was fortunate enough to have done the job.

The Funky Smell In My Prowler

I’ll admit the car was down for a few months, but it was in the garage. The windows were down, too, but when I started driving it again, yikes! it smelled funky. I can’t even really describe the scent… Maybe like boiled sweat. I’ve never smelled anything like it. Not putrescent, but certainly not a pleasure to inhale–especially in a car with such a small passenger compartment.

But it didn’t keep the car from running, so I drove it anyway–windows down, of course. LA weather’s good for that.

I was fortunate enough to get a week’s worth of work on The Changeling and that car is one of my favorites to drive on studio lots, so on the Monday, I kept the windows down until I got there and all was well, but funky smelling.

On Tuesday, as I was tossing my stuff in the car before heading out, I just by chance happened to look behind the driver’s seat. I found the cause of the funky smell, but didn’t have time to deal with it. I mean, I didn’t know how long it had been there and didn’t want it to either come apart in my hand or drip something icky that I’d need to clean off the upholstery right away. I’d need to take precaution. The only immediate thing I felt I needed to do was take pictures!

So, I drove to the studio that day knowing what was stinking up my car and I wished I’d taken care of it because it was kinda disconcerting for it to be there, me knowing it but not doing anything about it. Until I got home.

Yes, there was a dead bird in my Prowler…and it had probably been there for months! I still every now and then chuckle and utter, “There was a dead bird in my car.” I have no idea how it got there, either. I mean, yeah, the windows were down, but they’re pretty small on that car. And the car was in the garage, too!

I’ve yet to name the poor tweety, but it is now the patron saint of my garage. I’ll mount him on a plaque or something soon, but right now, he’s resting by the door, watching over my cars. Poor little thing. Completely mummified, too.

LA AutoShow Highlights

I went to the LA AutoShow. Honestly, new cars don’t really thrill me all that much, so it’s a pretty quick show for me. I got to relive the exhilaration of the F430s I got to drive over the summer and now that it has been shown, I can mention that I got to drive the Maserati Gran Turismo, too. So, when I saw it at the show, I convinced the gal to let me into the booth so I could show my husband the car I’d thought was so nifty. I think my husband would still rather have an Astin. I can’t say which I’d rather have because I haven’t driven the Astin yet…but oh, how I want to.

Of course, I also stopped by the Lotus booth… I love the Elise. Someday, I will definitely own one. Absolutely. It’s not the fastest car on the planet, but it’s unique, sporty and little: Just like me.

I’m gonna get me one of them thar cute little cars… I love ‘em!

The other highlight of the show for me was the ‘08 Viper. I wanted to see what the new metallic green looked like in person and oh hell yeah, that’s my color for the car.

However, the single most important thing I did at the show was get in the car and ram the seat forward to see if I could easily get the clutch all the way in without sitting on a pillow, without platform shoes, etc.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! See how much distance there is behind the seat? I know it screws up the aesthetics, but darn it all, I’m a little girl, so I’m forced to go to drastic measures to drive a big man’s car. I really don’t care how silly it looks as long as the car go, go, goes!

I’m sure I’ll be getting a green Viper at some point, too. I’ll likely swap my ‘03 for it as soon as I can. It’s about time Dodge put an interesting color on the Viper.

I totally forgot…

In June, I went to a Mustang Cruise put together by some of the guys on the boards at mustangforums.com. When I got there, I felt pretty out of place. I had one of maybe 3 or 4 classics. Everyone else had late models.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time and talked to some very interesting people, but I could hardly relate. Yeah, I’ve got an ‘06 GT, but not only is it stock, I’d driven my ‘68 fastback that day. To me, it’s way more interesting than the late model. Ah well. I was gonna go to another, but they were having it the same weekend as Comic Con and when they called, I was on the road out of town so I had to miss it.

A few days after this cruise, some of the guys were nice enough to post pictures. I saved a couple that were either of my car or included my car in the background while we were on the road. Unfortunately, I somehow didn’t save who actually took the pics. One has the guy’s info on it. The others said we could snag their pics, so I’m considering that permission for posting ‘em here. There were over 160 cars on the cruise, too. It was awesome.

 

You can barely see me in the driver seat. Oh boy! And this next one, I was likely yacking with somebody about my jalopy. No surprises there, either.

Even though these last two pics are about the same, I like how the photographer below happened to catch a late model driving by. I don’t know if that was intentional, but I think the pic looks cool because of it.

 

 Special thanks to everyone who was there. I hope to do another one!

Blast from my past

While hunting for something completely unrelated, I stumbled upon a stack of photographs that I’d assumed were lost long ago when I moved. Some of them are worth posting… Like this one:

This was taken on Van Nuys Blvd. during the Millenium Car Show in 2000. I don’t remember who took this photo of me, but I’m glad he gave me a copy. This was taken back when I used to enter my car in shows. I’ve won one trophy and that’s all I need.

I did not win anything at this show, but that’s beside the point. It’s just fun to be there. Plus, mine’s a driver. It’s not always spotlessly perfect. I haven’t put my car in a show since this one because my car got damaged in a small hit and run a few months after this pic was taken and I still haven’t fixed it. Lazy, I know, I know, but it has taken this many years to make it worth redoing the whole car and to finally get over my bad luck from that wreck.

I was thinking this might be the year I redo the car again, but I’m having second thoughts. I need to replace a lot of panels, so I think it might take me another year before I start sanding.

Types of Car Guys

Types of Car Guys…
While posting in a Mustang forum the other day, I had a tangential thought that had nothing to do with the forum or what I was posting. It just randomly landed in my brain and had me looking back over my automotive life.

The early years were spent in autoshop. It was there that I intensely learned the types of car guys through the school of hard knocks. Not that I’m grumpy, I’m most certainly not. I love guys and find them fascinating. Hell, I’ve been told I’m “more of a man than most men.” And it has been wondered if I’m a lesbian because I’m not into traditional girl things. Well, if I’m a lesbian, why do I hate chicks so much? Why would I prefer to be around guys and cars? I guess I’m just wired different. Oh well. Such is life. In fact, it keeps my life interesting to say the least.

Although still off my original topic, that brings me to something else I gotta share. One guy say to me, “You must be a dude. You have a dick, don’t you?” Before I could say anything, my ex-boyfriend said, “She doesn’t have a dick. She’s got five. She keeps them in jars as trophies.” Same guy who said I am more of a man than most men. It has been about a decade since then. I wonder if I’ve girlified since then. I still have the jars–err…uh…never mind.

Anyway, back to my topic…

In no particular order, I started thinking about the various car guy types I’d met. From the old guys who’d seen and done it all and really didn’t give a shit anymore. To the young bucks dripping with so much machismo, they slipped in their own puddles.

But it wasn’t always about age. I think it was a confidence thing.

As evidenced by my little Car Guy Types here:

There were a few–maybe two or three–guys per autoshop class who were genuinely excited about having a girl in the class. They wanted to take me under their wing and teach me a thing or two (or three or four) about cars and for that I’m greatly indebted to those few men who for the most part were surprisingly not trying to date me, or if they were, didn’t show it. I did date a couple of these guys because I’m attracted to people I can learn from. And what better way to learn than from someone as passionate as I was about cars? Plus, there’s always the added bonus of working on cars together and cracking jokes about honing my master cylinder.

Next are another favorite of mine… The guys who genuinely didn’t care that I was a girl and treated me like one of the guys. There was the occasional, “You wrench like a girl.” type jokes, but I love ‘em. I loved those guys because they also helped cultivate my deep appreciation for dick-and-fart jokes while teaching me a thing or two or three about cars.

Now we start getting into the other, less fun types…

And there are two subsets of this type. Both hated that there was a girl in the class. She didn’t belong there no matter how smart or how capable or how much she liked cars. She was a girl and should be playing with dolls or something. (Little did they know, at home, I was collecting antique dolls and now I restore them as well as I restore cars.) Anyway, one type I put up with because of the nature of their affliction. The other I simply avoided like the plague because I didn’t need the bullshit.

On my first day in bodyshop class, during break, a guy sat down next to me. I’d been hiding all the way in the back of class. I never know if I’m walking into an ambush, so I just hide until I know who feels what about having a girl in class. Anyway, this guy plunks down next to me and says, “So why are you here?” I reply, “Uh…To learn…” Duh. Why else does a person take a class? He says, “Yeah, sure. You’re just here to pick up guys.” I stifled a pretty hard laugh. I mean, doesn’t every girl pick up guys in autoshop rather than engineering or business, or even music or literature? Sure. And every woman knows mechanic’s hands are always so clean and silky smooth. Uh-huh. Yeah, like a rasp or a cheese grater when sculpting bondo. Niiiice. Like the business end of a cylinder hone. Mhmmm… Oh yeah, now there’s a great exfoliant.

But that set the tone for my in-class relationship with the guy. In essence, I avoided him. Just as I avoided the guys who said, “Isn’t there a kitchen you should be cleaning somewhere?” Bullshit. I suck at cleaning. Always have. Just ask my mom.

So, you have the guys that are just really irritated that there’s a woman in ‘their domain’. They try to sabotage every now and then, but I’ve also found that they are often pretty stupid. Which makes them more pissed off when I get around whatever they put in my way. More bullshit just triggers more avoidance. Who needs the anguish? Besides, success is the best revenge.

And finally, there’s the guys who like the other sub-set are upset that there’s a woman in the class. She doesn’t belong there, but she’s there and he’s gotta deal with it. And by golly, there’s no fuckin’ way she’s gonna score higher on the test or fix a car better. No fuckin’ way. No sirree. He’s gonna have to show her just how much smarter and how much better he is.

And that’s why I put up with those guys. They learn the most from the class and about life while trying to outdo the chick. I wasn’t there to impress anyone but myself, so I really didn’t care if a guy felt he had to do better than me. Quite honestly, I’ve always been book smart and the autoshop tests were pretty easy for me…which made ego guys work harder to learn more. I always had one of the top three or four scores on each written test. And seeing a guy go from a D to a B during a semester was always a joy.

Same for working on the cars. I wasn’t always that great. I had lots to learn about how things went together and stuff. That was when the ego guys could and often did show me up…and I learned a lot from them showing off. For that I’m thankful.

So there you have it. Toolwench’s take on the types of car guys. I still think it’s a confidence thing. Women are guilty of it, too. There were times when I did want to show that I had a clue what I was doing. I do get irritated when I rumble up in my Mustang and some asshole says, “Hey, is that your boyfriend’s/husband’s/dad’s/brother’s/uncle’s car.” I do sometimes feel that I have something to proove, but I choose those battles wisely. I know where I stand in my car knowledge and lack thereof. I always want to learn more. That will never change.

And, no, it’s not my boyfriend’s/husband’s/dad’s/brother’s/uncle’s car. It’s mine!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes, it’s the little things

The day my new coveralls arrived, I was thrilled beyond words. Being a whole lot smaller than man-sized, coveralls are a pain in the ass to find in my size. Even the ones I found online were too big, but they were close enough. Plus, my name is Toolwench, I have the tools to make a pair of coveralls smaller. I haven’t yet, but sheesh, they’re coveralls, not a slinky evening gown. They can be a little baggy.

Anyway, here’s a shot of my new coveralls…

I finally had a chance to use them when I needed to drop my tranny. This was the first time in about 13 years that I’d opened my Haynes manual because I didn’t know how to do something. I was suspicious of either a cracked flexplate or busted torque converter. Turns out, the flexplate was just loose. And it was my husband’s fault!!!!! If you scroll all the way down to when we did the engine swap, that’s him with the torque wrench.

Oh well…At least it wasn’t a busted crankshaft.

I didn’t take a whole lot of pics during this endeavor. It was one of those times when I didn’t really know what I was doing so I needed all my brainwaves focused on the task at hand. I’m little. The tranny’s big…and a big job for me to do. But I did it. Virtually without any help, either. The only things my husband did were because he was kinda bored and I wasn’t goin to turn down free help even if I could do it myself.

But I definitely made sure that *I* was the one torquing the flexplate and re-connecting anything that’d be a pain if he’d accidentally screwed it up. This was a project I had zero interest in repeating…at least not for another 13 years!

Naw! Actually, now that I’ve done it once, I know what to expect and the next time I have to do it, it’ll be a lot quicker and even more fun.

This pic just looks nifty to me. You can see my reflection in the oil pan and, I dunno, that’s just artsy or something to me. I dig it.

Notice how dirty I was? That’s nothin’! My tranny had been leaking and getting steadily worse. On the day I got the car buttoned back up, I kept getting pissed off because it seemed no matter where I grabbed under the car, my hand got filthy and slid off. I’ve since solved the cause of that problem, but she still needs a good steam cleaning.

Funny, how I started this post by mentioning my new coveralls and I’ve gotten this far before realizing that in the two pics, I wasn’t wearing them. That day just happened to be a little to warm. Believe me, my new coveralls saved me from puddles of tranny fluid, pounds of scraped-off grime and provided a nice warm layer of protection from the cold concrete on the days that I did wear them.

Let me go look for an action shot…

Yeah… Here’s one from the early troubleshooting days when I thought I had some kind of engine problem rather than the flexplate/tranny problem it turned out to be.

Special thanks again, to all the people at CarCrazyCentral.com who watched my video and then suggested what might be wrong. This would’ve been so much harder without all that help!