About five years ago, I got up the nerve to wear a particular outfit to a romance convention. That evening, I was dubbed “Commando Barbie”. Okay, cool. That was fun. The outfit was great–$12 on the sale rack at a Forever 21 in, like, 1999. It hung in my closet for years because I was determined not to get rid of it until I’d worn it at least once. Thus, in 2003, Commando Barbie was “born”.
I wore it to Comic Con that year and caused a bit of a double-taking stir as I cruised about the Expo floor. One guy in a booth full of knives, swords and various other weapons just stared and said, “Wow…” before he’d even realized he’d said it aloud.
See, Commando Barbie is much hotter, cooler, better than I could ever be. I dunno what it is about her, but she’s really got her shit together. I, however, am her dorky alter-ego. I have difficulty speaking, going places and I’m just so darn uncool. I’m far too shy for my own good and could really learn a thing or two from Commando Barbie. Her social skills are far better than mine. I, in fact, have no social skills.
In a slightly different outfit, Commando Barbie (and her two best friends, Wendy and Jen) met Jamison Newlander and Corey Feldman, the Frog Brothers from Lost Boys–her favorite movie (and mine. We’ve got that in common.)
She even got up close with Gareth David-Lloyd, Ianto Jones from Torchwood. (BTW-you should seriously check out the band he fronts, Blue Gillespie. Awesome, sexy, hard blues. Makes me want to go back to Wales again real soon and catch a concert. I also haven’t been to all the castles in the south yet.) (Gotta love the T-shirt he’s wearing, too. All day long, having his pic taken with numerous women. See, now that’s the kind of skills Commando Barbie has and I could only dream of. That shit’s hilarious!)
Here she is right next to the Lost Boys: The Tribe booth… As herself…
And in her vampire-hunter gear.
I really wish I were as awesome as she is. In fact, walking around Comic Con with my best friend Jen (together, we’re the Ashleigh Raine writing team), I remarked how I wish I wasn’t such a big dork. I mean, here I am goofing off with a Dalek… Yeah, a Dalek from Dr. Who for heaven’s sake. “Exterminate! Exterminate!” Not cool. And there I am dorking it up, trying to be all cool in my camo and failing miserably. Nice. Help me Commando Barbie! Please put me out of my misery!
And what was Commando Barbie doing…instead of a Dalek? Well, she got her picture taken for Hustler magazine…for their “Hot Chicks of Comic Con” project. Of course.
Why can’t I be more like her? Instead, I freeze up when people try to talk to me. I trip over my own feet and quite often I have significant difficulty discerning where my ass ends and my head begins due to their close proximity–one being firmly shoved up the other all the time. *sigh*
When I grow up, I wanna be Commando Barbie. That bitch has everything…
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