Smokin’ Aces

Let me just say that this was one of my most surreal gigs…not in what happened or what didn’t happen, just in the way it felt to be there.

I had a 7 AM call time in a place that even without traffic takes about an hour and change to get to. I left at 5 and got lost in the fog, discovered I was given the wrong address and then finally found my way to crew parking.

…Where I pulled my ’68 Mustang into a space, got out and started unloading my baggage. (I dunno why I felt the need to bring that much crap this time, but oh well.) As I pulled my stuff out of my trunk, the fellow who’d parked his truck next to mine complimented my car. That was a very nice way to start a day. I was quite happy and looking forward to working.

I had the usual sign in, go to wardrobe rigamarole–nothing new there–except maybe that wardrobe liked my clothes. That was fun. I thought I’d end up changing because my sweater was kind of bright, but the costumer just had me put on one of my jackets over it. Cool deal. I sat in holding and waited to be brought to the set.

When the magic moment happened and we all filed into the diner and met the A.D., Steve, who’d be placing us, I was glad to discover that he was the fellow who’d complimented my car earlier. This was gonna be a great day.

Except that this was also one of those calls where I couldn’t figure out why I was there. My look wasn’t quite the same as everyone else’s and it became painfully magnified as Steve put together groups of people to sit in the diner booths. I ended up odd and following him around anxiously because usually whenever I get left out, I get just that–left out and forgotten. I get paid either way, but if I’m gonna get my ass up at 4AM to be somewhere, I better get used at least once!

At one point, he looked directly at me and out of the blue said something like, “Don’t worry. I’ll place you. Probably not until after the first rehearsal, though, so just sit tight.”

The thought that went through my head was, “HOLY SHIT! He read my mind! I LIKE THIS GUY!!!!!” And honestly, it’s rare to work for an A.D. who’s that attentive, doesn’t roll his or her eyes when the extras file in, and is above all at least trying to have fun despite the fact that making movies is serious business and very hard work. Oh hell yes, I was gonna have a great day.

I eventually got placed in a booth by myself and all was well. The scene involved Alicia Keyes and a couple other actors I didn’t recognize.

My remaining dilemma was business…what kind of business did I have by myself? The prop guy gave me a menu. Steve directed a woman acting as a waitress to come take my order. Another waitress came by with a coffee cup. But the scene kept on going and I needed something to keep myself occupied.

I pulled open my purse and started rummaging through. Unfortunately, I hadn’t put much in it and this wasn’t the kind of diner where I could whip out my palm pilot. I settled for my little notebook and pen.

That was what I did for the rest of that scene. After lunch (which oddly featured a bizarre extra singing songs I’d heard a billion times while playing his guitar and I think my ears might be permanently scarred, but oh the joys of being a background actor and being exposed to the surreal) I stayed in holding for about four hours and rewrote a scene of Otherness: Rift.

Right when the end of the day started looming, I got called back in to the set. This time, Steve put me at a different booth, but I did the same business. I was in super-ultra-deep background and the camera probably only saw me for a split second anyway. My tablemate read the paper and I doodled more in my notebook.

And here–in near entirety–is what I wrote during my entire time on set: [I left it stream of consciouness like in the notebook and I also need to warn you that there are several very boring passages, but they accurately show my state of mind, lack of sleep and some of the boredom that frequently goes through an extra’s head if he or she isn’t involved very deeply in a scene or near the camera.]

Smokin’ Aces today. November 15, I think. The A.D.–Steve is hot and likes my car. I parked next to him in the crew parking lot. It’s such a shame that I can’t really work much on Otherness: Rift today. This just isn’t the kind of place I can pull out my palm pilot. Ah well. Hopefully this scene won’t take forever. It’s pretty wide right now and I dunno how much I’ll be used in the rest of it. Still the most important item of the day is that the A.D. is hot. So is the boom operator. He stands next to me at the top of each take. We’re on 6. Now they slightly moved the camera and are still going. Oh boy. It’s roughly 10:30 AM. I wish I were done. Something just went wrong. A waitress missed her cue and now I still have a menu. Oh well. It’s certainly not the end of the world. I’m still writing and having a good time. It’s like these gigs just suck a day of my life into oblivion. I don’t know why it feels that way, but it does. Another take. I keep writing. I’m finally getting bored through lack of sleep. I had tea on the way over here but it’s wearing off. So totally wearing off. Let me ponder [my book] for another moment.

Same day. Later time. Got roped into coming back in here. I guess I wasn’t meant to leave in time to get another scene of Otherness: Rift done. I dunno. I feel like I’m where I need to be. I suppose I could’ve hunted through my purse a little longer on this take so I wouldn’t be writing as much. I can’t believe how bored I am now. I suppose I need caffeine, but still. I’m dyin’ here. I could write another section about how hot Steve is. It’s his blue eyes, hard-working attitude, and his choice in glasses–stylishly wide and I dunno–he’s hot. Simply hot. Steve just told me that one of the waitresses is actually Alicia Keyes’s mom. Little bit of trivia there, huh? I dig it. I still find that stuff fun, but I don’t usually hear it on the set. I ususally hear it later, or I’m the one who’d gotten the little bit of trivia. I could be wrong, but she either got a line, too, or she just had a line delivered to her. I don’t recognize the actors in this scene. They do look familiar, but I don’t know who they are. Side note: Last time I came here to Downey, I was auditioning for Lemony Snickett. That was a while ago. I still think Steve is hot. That’s–he’s–my theme for today. I could write about other stuff, but my brain is mush and he happens to be working nearby. Yeah, there’s tons of people and other things to look at, but the ancient, wilted salad in front of me honestly can’t hold my attention like Steve can. Alicia Keyes’s mom has pretty eyes. They sparkle. The number one reason why Steve is hot is because he read my mind earlier. He knew I was following him because I was waiting for him to set me. He knew. And that was incredibly hot. He didn’t forget about me, either. That was hot, too. Damn, his hotness is easy to quantify. I like his happy personality, too. That’s nice. Otherwise this would feel more like work. Way too much like work. My tablemate is coloring a placemat. Obviously, the camera can’t see us. A grip (I think, but can’t remember which equipment I’ve seen him carrying) originally brought the crayons to me.

And there you have it…my time on Smokin’ Aces!!!!

Everybody Hates Chris

For starters, I had a bizarre time trying to get to the stage. I swear it wasn’t my fault. Here’s how it went:

I showed up at Paramount Studios and entered the Gower Gate where a security guard checks people in and issues passes and maps.

Well, there were two other extras in front of me and they weren’t exactly the sharpest tools in the shed…or at least they hadn’t done this too many times before and the guard got a little restless. She made the assumption that all three of us were going to the same show despite my totally 1983 wardrobe. (Then again, it was Halloween and I’m sure she’d seen weirder stuff on non-Halloween days, too)

She was a pretty tough cookie so I didn’t argue when she drew out the map to Stage 23. I needed to go to Stage 17, but I wasn’t about to say that. I figured I’d just follow the other two and 17 would be somewhere close.

Nope.

I walked around and around and around. Usually, when I go to Paramount, I enter through the Lemon Grove gate. I know my way around better from that side. This kind of reminded me of when I was on Old Christine at Warner Brothers not to long ago–I know the lot from every other entrance but the one I came in through.

Finally, I stop a security guard and he points me past the water tank. Duh. I felt like such an idiot for forgetting there were more stages on that side of the lot…

I get over there and find 15 and 16, but where the hell is 17? I find New York Street where we’ll be filming, but still I had more wandering before I found Stage 17.

The highlight of my impromtu tour was passing down alleyway after alleyway that were most certainly used during the filming of Angel. I recognized so many places including the Angel Investigations building facade on the backlot across from where we were shooting.

I finally come up on Stage 17 and go through the door. The sets are all empty. Where is everyone? I walk all the way through the building and out the other side. I figured I’d see either a group of extras or someone who could tell me where check-in was.

I turn down another dark alleyway and happen to peer in some of the windows… There were ancient generators and a lighting control board from eons ago. See, back in the day, light boards weren’t computerized consoles like they are now. Lighting control was done by numerous huge levers–kind of like old-school breakers except bigger.

I passed four windows’ worth of these huge throw switches assumedly attached to old dimmers, but I couldn’t see inside any of the panels. I was totally in awe. Once upon a time, I was a Theatrical Lighting Designer, Master Electrician, Light Board Operator and Lighting Equipment Repair Technician, so seeing how it all used to be done was fantastic. There were sections chained off as though a tour runs through. I gotta look into it because that stuff really floats my boat. I could geek on it for hours.

I wander back to where I started at Stage 17 and there’s a table set up. I’d finally found check-in. But I was about an hour early (I’d stupidly misjudged traffic) so I had to wait. No biggie. At least I knew where I was supposed to be now.

Background pinball is background pinball. The most exciting thing about the shoot was a bus in motion. Uh-huh. Oh boy. I wish there was more to report, but the only other excitement I had was when the costumer absolutely loved every inch of clothing I’d brought. I was stunned. This is a period show, 1983, and the costumer was actually excited to have me. This was the first time ever on a period show that there was no sigh, “I guess what you have will work” or without even looking in my garment bag “What size are you?”.

Oh yeah, and this was also the first show where I got to be the token white girl. It was fun. I hope I get to do more.

UPDATE: All that and a couple of screen captures to boot!

Invasion

Another day, another dollar. This time it was a TV show called Invasion. I understand it’s getting good reviews, but while I have a TV, I have no form of reception. If I did, I’d never get any writing done.

I showed up just outside of downtown LA in record time this fine morning and went directly to base camp. The maze of trailers was mostly set up, but more were pouring in and arranging as I stood around getting in everyone’s way.

This was the very first time there was no extras holding or catering tables set up and no one really knew what to do with us extras. I found that rather strange. Usually, if there’s no holding, we go to catering, but there weren’t any tables set up other than the ones which held breakfast, so there was no place to sit. Gradually, us extras found each other and congregated until finally one of the A.D.s gathered us up and took us to holding…

…in an old chapel! Yeah, we were shooting in an old hospital and holding was in the chapel. Very weird. One of the weirdest places I’ve ever been in holding. Fancy ballroom down a scary run-down corridor (Boomtown), school auditorium theatre (Hollywoodland) and now deserted chapel with the pews stored in a room next door. Strange, but at least it was interesting!

The scene took place in a restaurant–which was actually a dressed up boiler room, but it looked nifty. My ‘date’ was wonderful. He was very good at the standard background gibberish pantomime. I swear, sometimes I end up with the worst, most wooden or unobservant partners. He was wonderful. I hope I get to work with him again.

I saw two of the stars. I don’t know their names, though. Sorry. As I said, I’m not a TV watcher–at least until shows come out on DVD!

Today was nice and easy…We got there at 7 and left around noon. I haven’t had a day so short in a very, very long time. In fact, I don’t remember the last short day!!!!

Ah well. In between bits of working, I sat in holding and read stories from my critique group and tried to straighten out one of the crappy scenes in one of my novels. At some point, I’ll get that book together. I just keep finding scenes of trash between scenes of brilliance. All in a day’s work, I suppose. I’m kinda glad I didn’t bring my novel-in-progress because for once, I didn’t spend enough time in holding to have been able to work on it.

In other news, I saw Domino over the weekend and discovered I’m, like, totally in it. I’ve never seen my head take up that much space on the big screen before! Plus, I generally land on the cutting room floor, so this was a very big surprise. I hope I get more gigs like that one.

The New Adventures of Old Christine

My second call with my Viper…

Old Christina is a sit-com starring Jula Louis-Dreyfus–who’s really great, I might add! She’s about my size, too. Not that I didn’t expect it (I never know what to expect) but my curiousity was satisfied. She’s skinny, but otherwise normal and exactly how she looks on TV–gorgeous!

This was my first time through the main Hollywood Way gate at Warner Brothers Studios. Not that the experience was any different there than at any of the other gates, but still. It’s always weird to go through different gates. I’m at the point now where I know the perimeter of the studio, but not the stuff in the middle! It’s strange to get in and then try to use buildings and stages as reference points when approaching from a different directions. In this case, the water tower came in very handy!

The earliest part of the morning was normal. I parked, I latched onto a few other extras as we made our way to stage 5 and sat in the sit-com audience while waiting to be checked in, etc. Nothing odd in any of that.

Wardrobe went well. I did end up changing, but that wasn’t a surprise. If the call warrants it, I always bring my beige suit, but I hate wearing suits so I don’t wear it in hopes they’ll like me in a different outfit.

But nine times out of ten, I end up in the suit.

This time, there was also a small rip in the crotch where the stiching just decided to come undone. I wasn’t flashing undies or anything and truthfully, I wished I hadn’t noticed the little hole because I ended up self-conscious the whole time I was wearing the suit. Oh well. No biggie.

At first they didn’t want to use my Viper. I mean, it wasn’t exactly the kind of car a parent would use to drop off a kid, but whatever. That’s what they’d booked me with. My car spent the first part of the day parked out of frame.

I was awarded a kid–named Anthony (this was his first gig, but he was so professional I’d thought he’d been doing this for awhile!)–and we did a simple cross from the parking lot, under an archway where Julia, etc. were doing the scene, and then up a long walkway between buildings. Not bad at all.

…Except for the pain in my feet!!!!!! This was the first time I’d worn those shoes. I’d worn the suit before, but wanted to wear different–lower heeled–shoes. DUMB IDEA!!!! Yeah, the shoes looked nicer, but good golly I was about to pass out when lunch time arrived. In fact, I changed my shoes to go to lunch at the commisary.

Lunch was actually great. I like the WB commisary. I dunno exactly why, but I do. Last time–when I was there for ER–I only went to Starbucks rather than get a real lunch. This time, as I talked to other extras, they suggested going to the Taco Bell across the street from the studio, but then myself and another lady mentioned that we can go to Taco Bell any time. We need a studio pass to get into the commissary.

Yum.

After lunch, my Viper was finally parked, but I had to remind them that I’d brought it. Whatever. I get paid for it whether or not they use it.

I did a bunch more of the same kind of crosses except mostly without my fake son. Kids can’t work as late as adults, so he left and I got to do the crosses by myself.

I wish more oddities happened on this one, but oh well. Of all the extra gigs I’ve done, this was definitely one of them!

Maybe I’m just getting a little to used to all of this. I’d call myself bored, except that I am truly not bored in the least. Every gig is an adventure in its own way. Every gig gets me into a place I wouldn’t normally have ever gone. Gig after gig helps me be the best background actor I can be.

…Not that background acting is difficult, but there are some certain things a person needs to excel at in order not to lose her mind. My hardest is usually the relinquishing of all assumption of intelligence. Because background acting has zero entry requirements, us extras aren’t always the sharpest tools in the shed and are therefore stereotyped like everything else in Hollywood. So, when an extra shows up on a set, she is automatically assumed to lack intelligence until she shows otherwise.

A good background actor should also excel at taking direction and not taking things personally when yelled at for executing those instructions. I’ve developed a pretty thick skin for this kind of thing… Plus the whole ‘am I allowed to stand here/eat this/do this?’ thing. I use it to my advantage. I do/eat/stand wherever and if I don’t get yelled at for it, I assume it’s acceptable. After all, I’m just a dumb extra who doesn’t know any better.

And it’s really nice to have zero responsibility sometimes. It’s also fun to collect a paycheck for going on adventures not to mention seeing myself and my cars in movies and TV. Not that I get any credit, but it’s still fun.

E.R.

The show has only been on for eleven years. I’m amazed I got on it all… Ha!

I don’t do a whole lot of television. It’s actually more difficult to get on than features because I’m in SAG [Screen Actors Guild] and more jobs are available for non-union work. SAG pays better and only a small amount of SAG actors are required before non-union people can be hired.

ER was pretty fun. They’re a long-running show so they know what they’re doing and are used to each other. That’s always a plus. It makes the day go by faster and in a more organized fashion.

I showed up, got my scrubs and went to holding where I read a couple chapters of ‘Welcome To Temptation’ by Jennifer Crusie. It didn’t hook me like I’d hoped and when I’m in holding, that means lots of boredom, so reading a book that doesn’t hook me? Oh hell no… I’ve learned never to only bring one book.

During lunch, we were told to go to the commissary or wherever…we were given an hour. I wasn’t particularly hungry so I snagged a vanilla bean frappacino after yacking on my cell phone with Jen for awhile. When I got back to holding, it was freezing! It was a hundred degrees outside, but stage two was about fifty.

And there was still probably an hour or two before us extras would work.

Sometimes, I talk to people. Sometimes I don’t. This was one of those times where I was more interested in reading than talking. I pulled out ‘Ill Wind’ by Rachel Caine and got sucked in pretty hard…

When it came time to work, I didn’t want to put the book down.

On the set, I was a poison control lab technician. The AD [assistant director] separated myself and another woman to do crosses in the deep background.

That lab–with the dead lizards, snakes and fake mice–was the height of ‘interesting’ for about four hours. I intimately got to know a green folder with safety rules in it, a thin black binder with blank pages, and another green folder whose contents I couldn’t figure out. Yeah, this was a typical office background pinball day to start. I banana-ed. I mimed. I looked busy.

Then, the snake handlers came in with the rattlers. One of the handlers milked the snakes, but I wasn’t allowed in the room during that shot. I watched it on the monitor. Too bad. I dig snakes…

Next, a pissed off rattler was put into an aquarium and another aquarium of scorpions were brought in. This was the martini shot–the last shot of the night–and of course the darn scorpions kept ceasing all motion once the camera was on them. They’d all be running around, messing with each other, but as soon as the board clapped, they froze. One of the camera guys tapped and shook the aquarium and the snake handler reached in to stir them up, but most of the shots had very little motion from the darn things. Oh well. The snake was pissed off enough. It rattled a lot.

I got to walk right past Shane West as he tapped on the snake’s aquarium. Oh boy. Lots of fun for me!

Truthfully, just listening to the safety meetings and hearing the crew talk about how they were going to shoot, not to mention all the action with the snakes was a million times more interesting than my background pinball. Ah well. I had a great time. The danager aspect kept it interesting.

I hope I get called back to work in the poison control center again, but somehow I doubt I will. I was misinformed by a PA about where I was supposed to turn in my props so consequently, I was late and the prop guy wasn’t thrilled about it. Oh well. I know in my heart that I did the right thing and that’s all that matters. When it comes down to it, I’m still just another stupid extra.

Ignorance is bliss!!!! 🙂

Grandma’s Boy

It’s either called ‘Nana’s Boy’, ‘Mama’s Boy’ or ‘Grandma’s Boy’. I have no idea why it had three names or what name it’ll actually come out under. Adam Sandler produced it, but was not there. [which for me was kind of a good thing seeing as how years earlier while being a seatfiller, I tripped and landed in his lap…yes, my forehead, his hip]

I was a patron in a vegan restaurant. I wore very comfy, natural fabrics and my silly blue Indian slippers. This was one of the most comfortable costumes I’ve ever worn…except that my happy shoes gave me blisters, but I overlooked those because the experience was nice.

It was the last day of principle photography and a general happiness was in the air. I spent a lot of time in holding, reading a book that must not have been all that great because I genuinely don’t remember it. But when I went into the restaurant they’d set up and was seated next to the pan flute player, I started to enjoy the gig.

I was across from a fellow who was supposed to be a stand-in, but due to his spiky hair, piercings, tatoos and happy-gay attitude, they put him in the scene and gave him a nice lady for a date. My ‘date’ turned out to be a funky, short-haired chick-a-dee who came up with the idea that we were roomies…very close roomies. I soooo went along with it and we held hands through part of the scene.

The prop guy came by and gave us all pretty glasses and then a choice of drinks. There were some wild berry ones and fruity ones and I simply opted for water. That was the only liquid I knew I could drink on camera without the possibility of spitting it all over the wheatgrass centerpiece. Then, a plate of snap peas was set next to me.

I’d never eaten them before. I didn’t know how… Were they like edamame where you eat the beans, not the husk? Was I supposed to just dive on in and shove the whole pod in my mouth? Dammit, why did the plate have to land next to me? It made me nervous, but I didn’t say anything…yet.

We did the first take, pretending to eat our food and miming fabulous conversation with all four of us involved commenting on how delicious the food was and passing around the dish of snap peas–which I was thankful to hand over…except that my ‘roomie’ handed it back and no one else wanted peas. Oh the horror…the terrible plate of questionable food was now being commented about–with my roomie suggesting I try one! Good golly, I was terrified!

But just as I daintily picked one up, the word “CUT!” was shouted and I breathed a sigh of relief. The prop guy came back to refill a few drinks and add a couple more snap peas to the plate.

And then I met the star of the scene.

See, this movie has a million cameos. I was in one where the main characters go into this vegan restaurant, piss off the waiter and then leave without having eaten.

The waiter…David Spade.

He walked up to me and asked, “Are those real?”

I was a little more stunned than I would normally be when a principle actor actually speaks to an extra. Thankfully, my roomie was more attentive… “Yeah, they’re great. Try some!” She encouraged him by biting into a snap pea.

He was inquiring about the snap peas. What did you think he was asking about?!?!?

We all had a good laugh and I learned that snap peas could be eaten whole or just the peas. I also learned that David Spade really is great and is very easy to smile. I like that a lot in people.

During the next shot, the camera was going to be where my table was, so I went to holding…not the holding where my book was, but the holding right next to the set–where the producers had rented a chocolate fountain in early celebration of wrapping that night.

Yes…chocolate fountain…with strawberries, bananas, rice krispy treats, marshmallows and various other goodies ready to be dipped and eaten. Yum yum yum yum yum.

Another hour or two went by and then we all got to go home. I got paid to learn how to eat snap peas and dip yummies in chocolate. Now you understand why my blisters didn’t matter by the time I signed out.

7th Heaven

I was a suspect, a perpetrator and I absolutely loved it. I’d done a similar role on The Division at least a year ago and it was such a fun departure from my usual–extra-work-wise and personality-wise.

I misjudged traffic for getting all the way down to Culver City, so I ended up about an hour or so early. I was thankful I’d remembered my book…I read many chapters throughout the day.

Wardrobe had me change my shirt 4 times. I’d brought three shirts. The last change happened when she was doing her continuity shot of us suspects and discovered we were all in dark solid colors. The shirt I wore when I arrived was dark grey tie-dye, so she decided I should change back into it. She apologized and all, but I just thought the whole thing was funny. It seems that lately, I’ve spent more time changing than actually on screen. Weird.

Anyhow, this crew was amazingly nice and since they’ve been working together forever, shooting was at lightning speed. It was great to learn that they don’t do overtime. It’s a family show, so they stop on time so they can all go home to their families. –Way to practice what you preach, although overtime is where us extras make our money. Oh well. It’s nice not to have to be somewhere for 12 or more hours.

When us extras were herded near the set, I got picked to work in the first group. I was assigned to a police officer. It was her job to grab my arm and sorta push me past the principle actor’s desk. As we got toward the end of our journey, I turned around and sort of gave her a dirty look, which she replied with a good cop sneer. It was great. We did it the same every time. I had a lot of fun and kept reading my book in between shots. [BTW-I was reading Dime-Store Magic by Kelley Armstrong]

I sat out a few shots and then had one of those annoying background actor moments…

The AD told me to sit on a bench, count to 9 from Action and then get up, cross to the phone, pretend to make a call for another 9 or so and then go back and sit down.

All that sounded great to me. I listened for Action. I counted to 9. Then, when I lifted my ass from the bench, it made the nastiest creak I’ve heard in a long time. There was nothing I could do about it. I crossed to the phone. I did my business…and then realized that I’d have to sit down on the creaky bench again and was terrified. Thankfully, I made my call last long enough that I didn’t quite get my ass down onto the bench when I heard, “Cut!”

Whew!

But then I had to do it again and again and I couldn’t keep the bench from creaking. I tried leaning forward, going slower, going faster, but nothing worked. At that point, I figured that if the sound man heard me, I’d be told not to bother with the bench again.

Sure enough. The AD told me not to bother with sitting on the next take. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I hate being in a position where I might screw up a take. I’ve never done it solo. I’ve screwed up takes as a group, but never by myself…or at least not that I was sure it was me that ruined the whole darn thing.

All in all, I hope I get called back to work on that show. It was great. I wish more were like this one.

Lucky You

The scene was a Chinese restaurant. I, along with several others, were patrons.

During the two thirteen-or-so hour days I was there, I only worked about an hour and a half on the set. But I did see Drew Barrymore and Eric Bana.

Eric is hot. Yum… I was wishing I could stare at him rather than my menu. Oddly enough, I think the menus were real and some of the food sounded pretty tasty so I might have to drag Jason back to that restaurant and see.

Drew Barrymore was wearing heels and was about as tall as I am. I never really got near her except walking by in the herd of extras.

Mostly, this shoot was about sitting in holding under a nice shady tree while talking to fellow extras or reading books. I finished one book and got half way through another! That’s pretty rare for me in that short of a time period…

Anyhow, our little group had a very interesting mix of people–all of whom were open-minded, intelligent and entertaining in one way or another. The stories we told about our lives were lots of fun. I swear I’m going to use one guy’s boyfriend experience as backstory in a book somewhere. And then there was the Italian guy who grew up in Switzerland and is living in Beverly Hills… Lots of fun people on this shoot. So much so that I really didn’t care I was on set for less than two hours. Holding was tons more fun.

I might’ve gotten a split second of camera time…or perhaps my arm will be prominently seen above Drew Barrymore’s shoulder. Yeah…one of those deep background kind of shoots for me. I’ll see the movie eventually, I’m sure. Sometimes I wish I had more opportunities to be seen, but on the day of filming, I just do what I’m told, no matter how much I know no one’s going to see me.

UPDATE: I actually made it into the finished product!

This next one is more like what I expected.

I did set a personal record on that first day, though…

In a dark green short sleeved shirt and long mauve/purple skirt, I went to wardrobe. At first they said I looked fine–and I tried to grab my stuff and run away before they changed their mind!–but then they asked to see everything else I’d brought. They didn’t like any of it so the lady went onto the wardrobe trailer and came back with 4 skirts. I went to the changing room and picked out a beige skirt. It fit, so I left it on.

I went back to her and she didn’t like it. I kinda agreed, but really none of the skirts matched my shirt. She wanted to see me in one of the other skirts, so I went back to the tent and changed into a plum one.

That skirt didn’t go with the shirt, so she went on the trailer and looked for another shirt. She came back with four–none of which looked all that great with the skirt, but hey, I’m just an extra. It’s not my job to even care about what I’m wearing.

I changed into the shirt that I liked the best. It was purple and magenta and flowery striped.

But it didn’t go with the skirt…

So, fed up with making me change, the woman gave me a pair of jeans because there was no way the jeans weren’t going to work!

When all was said and done, I’d shattered my record of two changes and I have to admit that trying on clothes can be fun!

On the second day of shooting–the day I didn’t work at all–I got my clothes from wardrobe and headed toward the tent. There was a transpo guy talking to someone. I wasn’t really paying attention except that I was about to walk through the middle of their conversation. I excused myself as I passed through, then realized that I recongnized the voice of the woman the transpo guy was talking to. Yep…Drew Barrymore. The shoot’s record was about ten feet for how close I got to any of the principle actors. Jen always likes to know how close I got and well…there you have it. Drew seemed pretty nice, too.

And while us extras were waiting to go through the lunch line, she picked her food out of the buffet just like the rest of us. I think she ate in her trailer, though. I don’t blame her. The lunch room was kinda hot and stuffy.

Strong Medicine

This is a two-parter because in order to more fully explain my initial horror when I was on the pilot ‘Crazy‘, I need to explain my horror from when I was on Strong Medicine in May or so of 2003. I have never written it down. Yes, it was that traumatic and horrendous…at least for me anyway.

So, here we go…Strong Medicine…I was the worst extra on the planet.

You know those days when you just can’t do anything right? You try, you really do, but for some reason, the planets are completely misaligned and you just can’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. Well…that was me…

And I was all excited because it was shooting about fifteen minutes from my house. Short drive compared to the usual and therefore, I was hoping that I’d do such a smashing job that maybe they’d call me back or use me as a regular.

Well…The process of getting there, getting my voucher, getting into costume…all of it was normal. It wasn’t until us extras were herded from holding and brought to the set that trouble struck. I was playing a police station office worker.

Generally, that means a lot of ‘pick up these papers and these folders, go to the next desk, drop some off and pick up others, then work your way to the filing cabinet and set some in the inbox on top before heading down the hallway.’ No problem, right?

Well…My horror was started when the PA said she wished she had more extras to cover the whole office with lots of movement. I took this to mean that I should cover the whole office, moving like the ball in a pinball machine from bookcase to desk, to shelf, to file, to counter, to copier, wherever there was an empty spot. Normally, that’s what I do anyway if I’m not given specific instructions on where/when/how to cross.

However…This day happened to be the day when my memory was failing me. See, we all have to match our actions to every take. We have to hit the same marks at the same times on the actors same lines…and I was the worst extra ever. I couldn’t remember a damn thing from take to take.

Then…to make matters worse, the director throws us a curveball and when the lead actress shouts about her homosexuality, we’re all supposed to pay more attention to her than work…

But no one specified that we were supposed to literally stop and stare. So, there I was…the busy little bee, carrying and exchanging my paperwork all over the set…and I missed the cue completely! And not just once! I was so bad that the director came out from video village and mimicked me as an example of what NOT to do!

I was mortified…I still am. Hell, there was even one take where I didn’t know the camera was starting on me and I accidentally looked directly in it, immediately giving the ‘deer in headlights look’ and completely ruining that take.

I sucked. And I knew it! And it was awful! So awful that I never really told anyone about it because the experience was so traumatizing. I was terrible and what would have been a great gig–only 5 hours total and within spittin’ distance of home–turned into my greatest nightmare.

But I did learn what NEVER to do ever again. Truthfully, I was surprised I didn’t get thrown off the set for being so terrible. I was betting the director was thinking something like, “I hope I never see that one crappy extra ever again.”

That evening, I went home and I told Jason about it, but really held back the details. He laughed pretty hard. And at the time it wasn’t funny, but now I find it just as hilarious as traumatizing. And at least I can say that since then, I have always matched from take to take. My continuity has been spot on unless an AD has told me otherwise.

Crazy

Okay, now that I’ve explained my embarrassment on Strong Medicine, I can more effectively explain what happened on ‘Crazy’, a pilot with Lara Flynn Boyle.

I was a hooker!

I was supposed to be all drug addicted and really skeezy, but I didn’t exactly have ‘that’ kind of hooker wardrobe so I just brought what I had that I thought might work. I ended up in a one-armed zebra print tank top, leather skirt [zippers on both hips, of course] and my 5-inch, multi-buckle, fuck-me boots…which I’ve had for years, but never actually wore.

One of the PAs gave us this fantastic speech giving us the rundown of what the night looked like and who some of the crew people were. I remember thinking that was nice of him. He even described the director as being a very strong woman. [That should have been my first clue.]

I was the only hooker on the whole call. It felt a little bizarre, but at least I knew I wouldn’t be brawling with some other chick over whatever street corner…

The exterior police station shot just above Hollywood boulevard on Cherokee. If I remember correctly, they dressed up a bus station or something to look like a police station. Anyhow, there I was in my little hooker get-up, ready to do my absolute best. I was paired up with an officer who was supposedly taking me into the station.

But then the actress who plays Lara’s sister on the show was running her lines and stopped to talk to a couple officers behind me, then walked up to me and said, “Take care, Tanya. Be strong,” before continuing on to where Lara was standing.

Then, time stood still, the planets all stopped, everything ceased motion…The director came over to me and sorta did a double-take, but I knew EXACTLY who she was and instantly prayed she didn’t remember that crappy extra on Strong Medicine a few years back. I was mortified, but I kept it in check. And if she remembered me, she didn’t say anything other than, “Are there any other hookers on the call? She’s just not trashy enough.”

I took that as a compliment, of course!

Anyhow, for the record, I had zero idea that I’d have any kind of a ‘part’ in this thing, let alone a name. Good golly, was I thrilled and terrified all at the same time. I mean, the night was young, what if I turned into the world’s worst extra again? The horror! The terror!

So, instead of one cop walking me into the station, they made it look like I’d just gotten out. I had a plastic bag with my assorted purse crap and throughout each take, I transfered everything from the plastic bag to this wild purse that wardrobe gave me at the last second. All the while, I argued with two officers as though they wanted me to go away from the front of the station.

On a certain cue, I was instructed to walk out of the gated entrance and down the sidewalk into the street.

Oh, did I mention that there were a ton of Hollywood tourists standing across the street watching this whole thing? Yeah…Somewhere, there’s probably a tourist shot of my ass or something.

Anyway, when I walked to the street, my heels made too much noise. The sound man asked me to tiptoe. I showed him my boots, “I AM tiptoeing just to walk in these things.” He didn’t get it. No matter how I tried to explain it to him, he just didn’t understand, so on my next walk through frame, I did my best to tiptoe, but that not only made me walk funny, but a lot slower. One of the ADs came up to me and told me to go faster. I replied, “I can either walk fast and loud or slow and funny. Which would you prefer?” He looked at me strangely and just said, “Do your best.”

I did…

Then the car they were using overheated and we had to do a different part of the scene. But I did overhear someone saying, have anyone but the hooker walk through, anyone but her. I was thankful. My feet were killing me by that point.

That was pretty much the extent of the shoot. My favorite line of the evening other than all the times people said I didn’t look trashy enough to be a hooker, was when the director shouted, “Don’t get too close to the sex worker!!!!”

Some people sounded a little offended by that, but truthfully, with Jen’s help, aren’t we both sex workers?!?!

And I was really having a blast. It was a great night and one of the costume guys latched on to me and brought me my coat between takes. He was so sweet. Usually, no one cares about us extras. We get to freeze. But thanks to him, I never got cold.

So there you have it, my night as a Hollywood hooker named Tanya on the pilot for ‘Crazy’. I hope it actually airs.

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